Has anyone ever said to you, “You’re so lucky to be a stay-at-home parent” or “it must be great to spend all day with your kids”? SIently you probably think to yourself that they have no idea how detailed and difficult being a full-time parent can be. Parenting is, yes, very much a full-time job! In fact, many people believe that if we were to quantify the salary of a full-time parent they would be worth upwards of $100,000!
If you think about it, full-time parents are constantly at home with clients who always have pressing needs. From food and drink to entertainment, answering questions and educating them, and even wiping their butts from time to time.
They may in fact be some of the most demanding clients you will ever face in your career! Sure, some people think that school-age children offer a reprieve for full-time parents.
However, that is simply untrue. Between making lunches, providing transportation to and from various educational and extracurricular events, doing laundry, and making lunches, a full-time parent can quickly become overwhelmed when wearing the hat of a maid, driver, tutor, chef, doctor, entertainer, and personal shopper.
To add to this blessed yet time-consuming profession full-time parents typically get less uninterrupted sleep, especially during those critical first months of life.
Contrary to popular belief it does not get that much better as children age. Young children typically get up very early, while older kids typically go to bed very late. This means full-time parents are early risers and late-night worries. Add in the fact that full-time parents get virtually no time off, very little in the way of meal breaks and time for self-care, or vacation time that actually allows them to unwind and relax. Nope, typically during vacations and free time parents are playing tour guides, travel agents, and referees. So the question becomes, how does a full-time parent control themselves when they become exhausted and/or overwhelmed?
Controlling yourself when you become exhausted is paramount to maintaining your composure and teaching your children, of any age, how to effectively deal with adversity while still meeting your demands as a parent, spouse, and/or co-worker. Full-time parents often receive off-the-cuff advice from other mothers and while it is typically appreciated it can also get overwhelming and exhausting in itself. So, what can a full-time parent do to avoid exhaustion and control themselves?
First, full-time parents need to look toward their strengths. Often skills that worked for you in your previous career are going to be super helpful as a parent. Creativity, strong organizational skills, and resilience can help full-time parents stave off exhaustion.
Having a clear vision of how you see your full-time job as a parent is essential. This will help maximize your organizational skills and give you a clear indication when it comes to personal goals and how you are meeting them. It can be altered and adjusted as needed too! Setting smaller goals can provide positive vibes to a parent on the edge and help avoid feelings of failure and exhaustion. Part of this plan should also include teaching and then delegating responsibilities to your stinky little co-workers! Full-time parents often feel majorly overwhelmed because they try to do it all.
Don’t forget that you have little workers who can certainly get their hands dirty when needed. Take some time to look at your daily or weekly calendar and see if there are small tasks that can be passed off to your new “trainee”! Full-time parenting is equal parts managerial tasks and leadership delegation. Another huge plus when it comes to this that you are teaching your children skills that will be valuable for the rest of their life and teach them to be more independent and self-sufficient.
Even with everything mentioned above, a full-time parent can still feel overwhelmed and exhausted. In part, this is perfectly normal considering the number of daily tasks and responsibilities you may face. This is where investing some time into yourself and a self-care routine can be infinitely valuable to exhausted parents! Seriously, you should never feel guilty about unplugging whenever possible. Put the “to-do list” aside, take some deep breaths, and if possible, ignore the little fingers peeking under the bathroom door while you give yourself a calming bath or participate in your favorite self-care routine.
Aside from being less efficient in your job, parental burnout can often lead to depression, anxiety, and fatigue. This can also be amplified by the modern pressures of having a social media presence and “never letting them see you sweat”. In fact, I think you should do the opposite when it comes to social media! Perhaps the best thing you can do is show your mistakes and troubles. It could be a great way to show other full-time parents that yes accidents and mistakes happen and that they are perfectly normal.
Having other parents cosign behaviors and incidents can be validating and lower stress levels too! This goes hand in hand with learning to recognize when your stress levels are rising and having productive and positive coping mechanisms in place too.
In conclusion, parental burnout is a very real thing and if a full-time parent wants to avoid these types of emotionally distant and depersonalized feelings you should find specific ways to avoid stress, avoid micromanagement, delegate smaller tasks, try not to indulge in socially competitive behavior online and in person, and indulge in specific self-care routines.
One last piece of advice for the road, allow yourself to have some emotional support. I know that often times we want to seem like we can do it all, but having someone to bounce ideas off of, get rewarding and knowledge-rich advice from, and even just venting to during times of high-stress, can really help you as a full-time parent who may be feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.
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